The Fear of Failure
The fear of failure is something that holds us back from unraveling the most important parts of ourselves. Failure is a wonderful aspect of life, it is a beautiful teacher, it shows us the way more than anything else. Failure removes the illusion of perfection, and so if we courageously strive for progress rather than perfection, that we see improvement instead of an absolute goal, may we delve deeper within ourselves to see that there is nothing perfect, there is simply a continuous journey within that lets us get to know ourselves better.
I have failed so many times in my life. I had such high ambitions in my teens that I became singleminded on these passions. I was going to become a professional inline-skater, and then it was golf, and then snowboarding. When the passion for these died away, I decided to become a chef, I went to cooking school and I hated it. I went for menial jobs and I tried to excel at everything I did even if I didn’t enjoy them. As a taxi driver, a delivery man, a stylist and shop assistant, as a poet and screenwriter. I would say that my drive to shine was something I didn’t understand how powerful it was, it was just guided into things I wasn’t A) particularly good at and B) didn’t give enough time to get better at. It was however an aspect of myself that would be the foundation for where I am today.
I remember when I was 19 and went to a writer’s course on the country side. I was ambitious, I was focused, I was close-minded, and I saw it as a competition. I was described by my teacher as a thorny rose. And for all the poetry I wrote, the one thing that stood out was a descriptive article piece that I named ‘The Art Of Failing’. This theme stuck with me for decades. I failed at so many things in life and because of these failures I was guided to where I am now.
All past relationships, friend dynamics, places I’ve lived in and visited, interests, hobbies, jobs. Some stayed, most slipped away, others was unexpectedly found. I learned more about what DIDN’T work for me, and more of what DID. My failures have always been my most potent chaperone. It wasn’t always easy. Quite the opposite. It was heartbreaking, devastating, life changing, and emotionally branding. It often took some time to recuperate and bring myself back up, like a wounded warrior refusing to admit defeat. But I kept trying, I kept hoping, I kept standing back up and wiping the dirt off my knees and the tears from my face.
And this is why the fear of failure is such a foolish fiend to us. It is the fear that makes us build up walls around ourselves. And to be honest, this is often times inherited from some relational past through family, or a traumatic experiences in our youth. And this can be a difficult thing to break down and rebuild in our own way. The fear is going to keep us in a comfortable place of existence, where our dreams are locked up in gilded cages within and feel unattainable yet serve as a soft reminder of ‘what could be’.
This - I believe - is NOT where we should live, for it is not living, but merely existing. We deserve to feel elated joy, courage without abandon, depth of love and affection, a deep yearning for knowledge, an unbridled ache of curiosity, financial freedom, emotional expansion, and the raging desire to reinvent ourselves!
Is this way of life attainable for everyone? Unfortunately not. Inequality on all levels - social, economical, cultural, political, gender, health, educational, and environmental - are factors that play a major role in this and prevents the fullness of life to even be experienced by a majority of people. And this is something I am constantly exploring and learning how to address rather than avoid.
My success today is resting upon a mountain of failures. And I don’t take anything I have today for granted. I keep nourishing all these parts, because one day they might change and shift the ground underneath me, and I will shift with the movement because it won’t be the first time, nor will it be the last. My work, my relationship, my friendships, my hobbies and interests, are all here today because of my failures, because I kept trying, kept learning and kept exploring. This is the key, to keep going, to not give in or give up. To break down the walls of fear we build up, instead of feeling confined by these fears.
And may there come a day where the fear of failure is so distant from yourself that you begin to stand up for others too, that your courage becomes an inspiration for someone else, a friend or a stranger, and that by your mere presence they break down their own walls of fear to pursue something within themselves that they have dreamt of. That those gilded cages of dreams are broken open and become more attainable and encouraged.
Don’t fear failure. Fear not trying.
Chris
